Hello,
I am your self-sacrifice schema. You may not know me, but I have a big influence on how you live your life. I am the part of you that focuses and prioritizes on other people’s needs and not on your own needs. The focus that I place on others and their needs is excessive and imbalanced. I convince you that other people’s needs are more important than your own needs. I can impact you in many relationships in your life. Whether it’s a friend, your spouse, a colleague, your neighbor, your sibling or a stranger. According to me, their needs are more important than your needs. It is me who makes it hard for you to keep balance in life and maintain good margin in your life. I make it really hard for you to say no to others when they want or need you to do something. When there is a situation in life that reveals a need in others, I prompt you to step in to meet that need. I am satisfied when you meet other people’s needs. I often make you feel guilty when you don’t meet other people’s needs when you had the chance to. When this happens, I might say to you “why didn’t you help?” or “you should have helped”. Even when you do help, I might say to you something like “you should have done more”.
I can provide you with a good reputation from others. Because of me, other people see you as caring, supportive, helpful and generous. That’s a good reputation isn’t it? I can also provide you with a positive identity, with beliefs such as “I am caring”, “I am a good person” and “I help others”. That’s a good identity isn’t it? I contribute to you gaining a sense of self-worth and value from what you do for others. That’s a good source of self-worth and value isn’t it?
Because of me, you are typically the one who listens to everyone else’s problems. Because of me, you are more comfortable giving a present than receiving one. Because of me, when it comes to work you are usually the one to volunteer to do extra tasks or to put in extra time. Because of me, it’s very difficult for you to ask others to take care of your needs. Because of me, if you do something you want or something that is important to you, you feel very uncomfortable.
Because I get you to focus and prioritize other people, it can lead you to experience burnout, exhaustion and to resentment of those who are taken care of.
As I said, I have a big influence on your life and a lot of the time you are not aware of me. I am sharing this information with you so that moving forward, you won’t be ignorant of me. I want you to be aware of me and my influence on you. Because, to be honest, I don’t have as much of a positive influence on your life as much as you might think. I think there’s a better way for you to live than be controlled by me. There’s a better way to live than to live for other people. There’s a better reputation to uphold, a better identity to receive and a better source of self-worth and value to embrace.